


Lonely As Our Secrets

by AlmostSilent



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Grantaire's insecurities, Happy Ending, M/M, Secret Relationship, mostly just cute fluffy boyfriends, slightly insecure Enjolras, with the tiniest bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-24
Updated: 2014-11-24
Packaged: 2018-02-26 19:58:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2664476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlmostSilent/pseuds/AlmostSilent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It wasn't like Grantaire was unaware that he was probably (almost definitely) over thinking this, it's just that...what if he <i>wasn't?</i>"</p><p>Grantaire and Enjolras have been dating for four months now, Grantaire just wants to know why it still has to be such a secret, Enjolras finally comes clean about some things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Secret

**Author's Note:**

> Titles comes from the quote: "Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets." - Paul Tournier.
> 
> Completely unbeta'd and I am aware I'm not always the best at editing, so let me know if you spot any mistakes or errors.
> 
> (ETA: because of that whole ebooks-tree thing (information can be found [here](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Ebooks_Tree).) this is the official disclaimer that while I don't own the characters, I do own the work and I don't give permission for it to be posted anywhere else without my explicit permission. )

It wasn't like Grantaire was unaware that he was probably (almost definitely) over thinking this, it's just that...what if he _wasn't?_

When he and Enjolras had first started this thing (it couldn't exactly technically be called dating, but they were definitely exclusively together...however that worked) Enjolras had been very adamant about their friends not knowing. At the time Grantaire had been mostly in agreement, because while they had the best group of friends known to man, they were all rather prone to teasing and meddling and generally poking their noses in, and the relationship was too new and too fragile for that.

But that was four months ago. Their relationship at this point was pretty solid considering they weren't really dating. They'd exchanged 'I love you's' and shared personal things and they spent afternoons just cuddled together not talking, just enjoying each other's company. The only problem was that they were only together inside the walls of Grantaire's apartment. Outside of those four walls they went back to being almost-friends and pretending not to care about each other.

It wasn't even that Grantaire hadn't brought it up, he'd mentioned it a few times but each time Enjolras had just said that it had to be a secret and told Grantaire yet again not to tell anyone. He never actually said why.

So naturally Grantaire wondered. The answer that came to him immediately was that Enjolras was obviously ashamed of him and that's why he didn't want anyone to know they were dating. For the sake of their relationship and in the name of giving Enjolras the benefit of the doubt Grantaire tried to think of every other possible reason Enjolras might have. He came up with a lot, granted at some point they got so ridiculous that he had to give up, but the thing was none of them made as much sense as that first instinctive thought. It was really starting to get to Grantaire at this point.

It did make sense, Grantaire knew he wasn't ideal boyfriend material and Enjolras had an image to maintain, it probably wouldn't be beneficial to have people know he was with Grantaire. But the thing was, if they were only in a relationship while within the walls of Grantaire's apartment, were they even in a relationship at all? Grantaire didn’t really think so, hence the whole ‘not really dating’ thing. After all you can't really be considered dating if you never actually went on a date.

The whole situation was messing with Grantaire's head and souring every moment he did get to be with Enjolras and was actually able to express his feelings. He couldn't get it out of his head and so he felt uncomfortable around Enjolras in a way he never had before. Grantaire couldn't help but start questioning and reading into everything Enjolras said and did, trying to figure out if maybe Enjolras was lying about his feelings or still having second thoughts. Everything felt wrong and mostly like it was already over.

Despite what some people might say Enjolras wasn't actually oblivious or unobservant, so naturally he noticed something was wrong but Grantaire waited for him to bring it up first. Which after nearly two and half weeks of Grantaire's uncomfortable behaviour, he did.

“Is everything alright love?” his voice is soft and gentle in the way it only ever is when they're alone. “You’ve been acting strangely.”

“I don't know,” Grantaire answers honestly, licking his lips nervously. “You know it's been four months right?”

“Hmm, it has,” Enjolras smiled softly, before frowning in confusion, “but I’m guessing that’s not exactly what’s causing you to be upset.”

It wasn’t really a question, and yet it was. Grantaire leant into the hand that was carding softly though his hair as he sorted his thoughts out.

“I’m not upset, not really. I’m happy, mostly,” he sighed. He wasn’t lying, but mostly because he wasn’t even sure what the truth was anymore. “Can I ask you a question, and you not be upset or annoyed or anything?”

“You can ask me anything love, you know that.”

“Right, it’s just that we’re really only together here, in my apartment, and I guess I’ve been wondering why that is, now after four months, why it has to be such a secret,” his voice ends up coming out much quieter than he intended, but he knows Enjolras heard him from the way his hand stopped moving and he tensed underneath Grantaire.

Grantaire waited, his head still on Enjolras’ chest and his arm still around his waist, they’d been enjoying a nice afternoon cuddle on the sofa absently watching the news before Enjolras started the conversation. The only-slightly-uncomfortable peace they’d been enjoying before was definitely ruined now.

He couldn’t really say what answer he was expecting, or even what kind of answer he was secretly hoping for, he just needed something. Honestly Grantaire wasn’t even one hundred percent sure what it was that he needed, maybe some sort of explanation, maybe for Enjolras to agree to let their friends know and stop the whole secrecy thing, Grantaire didn’t know. One thing he was sure of was that something needed to happen.

“R I’m so sorry, I’ve been so incredibly selfish,” Enjolras finally said, with obvious remorse in his voice. “I never told you this, but the thing that...I suppose encouraged is the right word. The thing that encouraged me to act on my feelings for you was a conversation I overheard between our friends. They were talking about you, or more specifically they were talking about your feelings for me,” here Enjolras paused and Grantaire couldn’t bring himself to lift his head, didn’t even want to consider looking at Enjolras’ face for this. “The things they were saying were not very pleasant for me to hear I’ll admit. They all seemed very convinced that I was going to end up hurting you in some irredeemable way. It made me see that the way I treated you because I was frustrated at my own feelings was unforgivable, and I knew I needed to make it right.”

Finally Grantaire lifted his head and sat up straighter so he could look Enjolras in the face. He didn’t really know what to think about any of this, it wasn’t what Grantaire had been expecting that was for sure.

“I was ashamed that our friends thought so badly of me, and I think in a way I’ve been...afraid that they would be proven correct,” Enjolras finally admitted, looking down at his lap. Grantaire wasn’t used to seeing his boyfriend look so unsure, so nervous. “I suppose I was also worried that they might try to convince you to stop seeing me, for your own sake. And that you might listen.”

It seemed to Grantaire that their roles were suddenly reversed, Grantaire had never been the one who needed to reassure Enjolras before, but he knew he needed to now.

“Enj, the only problem I have with our relationship is the secrecy. Within the walls of my apartment you’re the perfect boyfriend and I just wish we could have that all the time, that’s all,” he tried to assure Enjolras as much as possible, not entirely sure of the right words to say. “Neither of us can know that you’ll never hurt me, or that I’ll never hurt you, but I think we’ve been doing really well so far and honestly I doubt either one of us would intentionally hurt the other now. It’s not like it was before we got together, and I think you need to give the others a chance to see that.”

Evidently Grantaire must have said something right because Enjolras is looking at him with that soft smile that always causes butterflies in his stomach. It seems silly that even after four months one little smile can still turn Grantaire into an insensate puddle of goo, but Enjolras just has that effect on him.

“I really love you R,” Enjolras murmurs tenderly, before leaning forwards and giving Grantaire a sweet, chaste kiss.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter will just be a short epilogue that I am currently writing.


	2. The Confession

This tense state of nervousness was really starting to annoy the hell out of Grantaire, mostly because this whole damn thing had been his idea in the first place. Still, telling all of their friends that not only were he and Enjolras dating, but that they had been secretly together for four months now, well it was a nerve inducing situation to be sure. Honestly the thing that had him so nervous was just that he did not know how his friends were going to react to the news, and it made him uncomfortable with all the possibilities.

He hoped their friends would be happy for them, but he suspected that they would be upset or hurt or angry that Grantaire and Enjolras had kept it a secret from them, and that possibility hurt to think about. Grantaire really, really didn’t like it when his friends were upset with him, absolutely hated it when he knew he’d hurt them. Luckily for him it didn’t happen very often, but he had a bad feeling about this.

“Don’t be so nervous love,” Enjolras soothed him tenderly.

They were walking to the Musain together, hand in hand. It was marvelous and amazing and Grantaire was revelling in the simple pleasure of being able to hold his boyfriend's hand in public. It wasn’t quite enough to distract him from the knowledge that all of their friends would be waiting at the Musain for them though.

“Sorry,” Grantaire mumbled, clinging a bit more to Enjolras’ side, “I just wish I knew how they were going to react. I can’t help but expect the worst.”

Enjolras didn’t offer him any verbal reassurances, and Grantaire was nearly positive it was because he too was worried about their friends reactions. He did pull Grantaire even closer with an arm around his shoulders though, which was probably better than any empty words could have been.

When they reached the door to the cafe both of them paused, neither quite felt prepared to face what they knew would be on the other side of the door.

“Hey, whatever happens we’ll face it together right?” Grantaire tried to reassure the both of them. Enjolras merely nodded resolutely before placing a kiss on Grantaire’s temple and then opening the door. 

Inside the cafe was warm and inviting the way it always was, filled with mismatched furniture and the comforting smells of coffee and fresh pastries. The cafe was pretty quiet at this time of day, except for the large group of friends taking over a few tables at the back.

When Enjolras and Grantaire had entered they had been talking and laughing, but one by one they fell silent as they noticed who had entered, and more importantly how close they were. Each pair of eyes took in their joined hands and entwined fingers, the way Grantaire was practically hugging Enjolras’ arm. Their entire group was disarmingly and uncharacteristically silent. The two new arrivals couldn’t help but feel discomfited by this.

“Everyone, Grantaire and I have something we’d like to tell you,” Enjolras announced with all of his usual confidence. “As you may have gathered R and I are dating. In fact we’ve been together for four months now, and we’re sorry we didn’t tell you sooner, but we hope you’ll be happy for us just the same.”

More silence met Enjolras’ words and Grantaire’s grip tightened slightly. He could see their friends visibly trying to process this new development, it was clear they were all understandably shocked.

“Wow,” Jehan was the first to speak, they were staring a little wide eyed. “I knew something was different with you R, you’ve seemed happier lately, but this was actually not on the list of things I suspected as the cause.”

Jehan’s words seemed to spark muttering around the friends, general agreement about a noticeable change in Grantaire, some were questioning how they hadn’t realised, how they hadn’t seen it. The only emotion that seemed to go around the table for a minute was surprise, it seemed everyone was a little too stunned to feel anything else.

“Well it’s about bloody time,” Bahorel said with a smile and a laugh, which seemed to set of a round of congratulations and well wishes. 

It was Grantaire and Enjolras’ turn to be a little stunned now, facing the smiling faces of their friends. Neither of them had expected an entirely positive reaction, they had been sure there would be at least some fallout from their deception. But it seemed that collectively their friends had decided to ignore their secret and just be happy for them.

There was a little bit of shuffling of seats since the two that had been left open for Enjolras and Grantaire were so far away from each other, but no one seemed to mind. Finally, when everyone was seated and the newly open couple were comfortably seated together, the questions started.

Everyone wanted to know how they had gotten together, why they had decided to keep it a secret, _how_ they had managed to keep it a secret for so long, but mostly their friends just wanted to know if they were happy.

And with a loving look into his boyfriend’s beautiful eyes all Enjolras could say was:

“We’re both incredibly happy now.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know the ending is a little lacklustre, but I really am honestly terrible at endings.  
> Let me know what you guys think.
> 
> As always you can find me on [tumblr](http://almostsilent.tumblr.com/).


End file.
